Photograph by Felecia R. Weber 2015, OntheWingofaDove.com

I couldn’t ask for more – Choosing to trust in God for everything in and around my life and experiencing his provision fulfills me in ways that I never have been before.

“When we lose one blessing, another is often most unexpectedly given in it’s place.”  C.S. Lewis

I couldn’t ask for more – I usually find myself saying something like that when I receive an answer to prayer, or when I receive some unexpected good news.  I must admit though, when living in my day to day life I may never even consider what I have or do not have.  When I am disappointed about something, or do not receive what I have been seeking, I may allow myself to fall into despair.  Taking the time to concentrate on the subject of contentedness this week has caused me to realize how my reaction to situations impact my well being and my peace.

In my last two posts, On Contentment and It Doesn’t Matter, I have alluded to the fact that true contentment cannot be found in the outcome of our circumstances, but rather, it is a state of being.  As a Christian, I also believe that true contentment can only be experienced through an abiding relationship with Jesus Christ.  That being said, it wasn’t until recently, through various circumstances that have happened in my life, that I can honestly say that I am content…that I couldn’t ask for more.

Soon, it will have been one year ago that I had to say goodbye to my husband Stephen when he lost his physical battle with cancer.  Often times throughout this year, I have relived in my mind those agonizing days and months of watching him slowly slip away, and eventually succumb to the ravishment of the disease.  When I’ve thought I’d cried all of the tears that I could’ve ever cried, more of them poured out of me.  Sometimes I feel so lonely that I think it may suffocate me.  The emotional strain of having to start my life all over again has proven to be an enormously overwhelming task.  At times I’ve wondered if I’ll ever feel whole and happy again.  How could I ever say with confidence that I am content and that I couldn’t ask for more?

“Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again:  Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  Philippians 4:4-13

My answer to that question was actually found in part through this very experience.  Living through the ordeal of losing my husband has by far been the most difficult time in my life.  It has also produced the most spiritual growth and maturity in my life.  Having to get on with my life on my own caused me to turn from myself to God.  It was in him and through him, that I found the strength and the will to stand up, wipe away my tears, and face my fears…and my future.  It was through the heartache and the pain that God showed me that my circumstances only have power over me if I let them.  Indeed, I had a choice, to get swallowed up and drown in my grief, or release it all over to God, and trust him to be my bridge that would allow me to cross over troubled waters to the unfamiliar territory that awaited me on the other side.

Choosing to trust God for everything in and around my life and experiencing his provision fulfills me in ways that I never have been before.  Of course, I miss my husband everyday and there is still an emptiness that I doubt will ever go away because he is not here to fill it.  But in living beyond that reality, and walking under the abiding grace, strength and abundance that God continually provides, all of my needs are met and my life is blessed because of who God is, nothing more. No matter what I’ve had to go through, no matter what I am facing now, no matter what lies in front of me, with God behind me, beside me and before me, I am covered, I am content, I truly couldn’t ask for more.

May your circumstances fade into the background and may you experience God’s awesomely fulfilling presence, power and provision.

Peace and love,

Felecia