“The Huntington Avenue Streetcar,” (Detail), 1895-97, Maurice Brazil Prendergast. Image from a page of the 2011 Desk Calendar, courtesy of The Metropolitan Museum of Art Store

At the end of myself…where I truly begin.

“I never voyaged so far in all my life.” Henry David Thoreau

It seems strange to say it, but I have an overwhelming sense at the moment, that I am exactly where I am supposed to be in life.  A place that has taken some time for me to reach.  It is a place that I call being at the end of myself.  Wait a minute, you may be thinking…where is she going with this?  Here, let me explain.

I suppose one would describe me as being an individual who is disciplined, hard working, driven, and not afraid to step outside of the box or to take on a challenge.  I never want to miss out on an opportunity that will allow me to improve myself, especially when it comes to my creative interests.  At the same time, there is a part of me that is vulnerable; not always so confident that I can achieve what I set out to do; not always certain that I am heading in the right direction.  At times I feel as though I am on the verge of something that is within my grasp, but I can’t quite seem to take hold of it, to claim it as my own.  Being at the end of myself is the place that has allowed me to see just what that something is and to embrace it fully.  Still not sure what I am trying to say?  I’ll go on.

I believe that we are all created for a purpose.  We have been given specific talents and abilities, an individual personality and way of thinking uniquely ours.  We really cannot truly be someone that we were not meant to be.  Hard as we may try, we know deep down inside when we are just pretending.  I say this from experience.  When I try to be and do things that were never meant for me, my life gets turned upside down and I hardly recognize myself.  It is then when I find that I am at the end of myself…the best place that I can possibly be.  Why?

It is then that I step aside and allow God to step in.  It is as though I grab hold of a life line that He has cast out to me, and He reels me in gently, steadily.  It is when I truly find that something that I was on the verge of grasping and claiming as my own.  As I allow myself to be drawn in by God’s strength, care and love, when I yield to His purpose and plan for my life, that is when everything comes together and falls into place…perfectly.  I do exactly what I am meant to do and I become exactly who I was designed to be.  Indeed, being at the end of myself is truly where I begin.

“For now we see only a reflection as in the mirror; then we shall see face to face.  Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” 1 Corinthians 13:12

I bid you peace and love,

Felecia

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